Over the past year, I have come to some very harsh realizations. First, God is not after my happiness. He is, however, after my holiness. Second, I am learning that my expectations are OFTEN left unmet. Unmet in order to force me to grow and confront sin in my life.
An all too recent and painful example:
Like so many of you, I enjoy the snow. In fact, as a single woman, I always dreamed of the snow days that would come after I was married--shut in with your honey, nothing to do but, well....the possibilities were endless. When the talk of snow began earlier this week, the excitement grew. My first snow--we'd rent movies, play games, eat soup. The list would be endless. I went to the library and rented four movies. I made sure the house was stocked with food--junk and other. I was ready. Then it began. The snow and the sin. They aren't inherently linked, at least I pray not. But it surely did appear that way all weekend. My expectations were unraveling from the second Saturday began. Selfishly, I waited until the last minute to prepare our house for guests that were coming over. This sent me into a self-induced bout of panic and anger. The remainder of the evening was spent pretending to be fine and trying to enjoy myself around my husband. Sunday was no different. I eagerly anticipated waking up early, making a huge breakfast for Miguel and then cuddling up on the couch with one of our movies. When asked what he wanted for breakfast, a quick "instant oatmeal" reply DID NOT meet my expectations. I immediately became angry. I was failing in my attempts to serve my husband despite my unmet expectations. The remainder of the day was no different. I allowed each little scenario to utterly ruin my snow day(and my attitude). There were no snow angels, no snow walks, no sledding events, nothing. My anger ruled me and I chose to remain in sin instead of enjoy the beauty God had put on display. I wish I could say that the day ended well--it didn't. More pretending that I was fine. More unmet expectations. Some good ol' yelling and screaming. Yet through it, I realized that God was trying to speak to me. He was purposefully placing me in situations where I am forced to choose between anger and joy. Which will I choose in the moment? I pray that during the next snow storm, I choose to enjoy it and not let unmet expectations rule me. I know God has many more expectations and deeply rooted sins to destroy in my life. However, I just hope that next time it's during a rainstorm and not a snowstorm!
